Friday, October 10, 2003
YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The show went incredibly well last night. We had a full audience, we were able to ride through any random mistakes and there were tears shed by numerous people at the end of the performance. I could not have asked for a more wonderful start to a long run. God is so good to me. He truly does reward hard work. My only hope is that he will stand by me throughout the rest of the performances. I am sure he will. :)
So. The one thing that did not make me happy was the way Ian acted before and after the show. He barely spoke a word to anyone in the cast and as he did last Saturday, left immediately after the performance. He didn't even stay around to tell me that it was a good show. I don't understand what is wrong with him, but it hurts. I have spent so much time trying to get to know him and to support him, yet he has completely pulled away from me. It's like he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Maybe he has some shit going on in his personal life or maybe this is how he deals with a show ending and I can accept any or all of that. I just wish he would clue me in to what's going on in his head.
Part of me thinks he is unhappy with the way my performance is being received by the audiences. I get a lot of support from the people who attend and I think he may feel a little left out. But truthfully, most of the people that have come to see the show are people I know and got tickets for. If he had spent more time getting people in the seats, maybe he wouldn't feel so overlooked at the end. I work really hard to give the performance I give and part of me thinks that his jealousy is getting in the way of us being friends. Maybe I'm completely off base? I hope so. Cuz if this is how he feels, I don't know that we will ever be able to talk again once this experience has come to a close.
It's just a sad, sad thing.
As for the other shit going on in my life?
My hamsters, Jim and Kimberly, are becoming so scarily attached to me. When I get home at night and turn on my bedroom light, they immediately come running from their beds and try to climb out of the cage. I take the top off and they (Jim especially) crawls right into my hand and runs up to my neck to snuggle in. They are totally in love with me now and it makes me want to have them as my babies forever. They are so fucking adorable I can't stand it.
Things with Paul and I are going smoothly although I'm still not convinced we are going to be able to work through our many issues. Some things just never change. Some days I love him and some days I hate him. It's not healthy, but it's the way things are. And the way things are going to stay for awhile longer. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I don't know if I will ever be ready.
My mom came to the show again last night. She is so adorable and supportive. I miss her so much. She is my favorite person in the world and I am so blessed to have someone like her as my mother. She is coming AGAIN on Saturday with my dad and some other people we know from way back. Gosh, my parents. A kid couldn't be any luckier than me.
Okay! The next time I write in here, I will be done with Stupid Kids.
I can't believe it's almost over. How depressing.
Now what am I going to do with myself?
The show went incredibly well last night. We had a full audience, we were able to ride through any random mistakes and there were tears shed by numerous people at the end of the performance. I could not have asked for a more wonderful start to a long run. God is so good to me. He truly does reward hard work. My only hope is that he will stand by me throughout the rest of the performances. I am sure he will. :)
So. The one thing that did not make me happy was the way Ian acted before and after the show. He barely spoke a word to anyone in the cast and as he did last Saturday, left immediately after the performance. He didn't even stay around to tell me that it was a good show. I don't understand what is wrong with him, but it hurts. I have spent so much time trying to get to know him and to support him, yet he has completely pulled away from me. It's like he wants nothing to do with me anymore. Maybe he has some shit going on in his personal life or maybe this is how he deals with a show ending and I can accept any or all of that. I just wish he would clue me in to what's going on in his head.
Part of me thinks he is unhappy with the way my performance is being received by the audiences. I get a lot of support from the people who attend and I think he may feel a little left out. But truthfully, most of the people that have come to see the show are people I know and got tickets for. If he had spent more time getting people in the seats, maybe he wouldn't feel so overlooked at the end. I work really hard to give the performance I give and part of me thinks that his jealousy is getting in the way of us being friends. Maybe I'm completely off base? I hope so. Cuz if this is how he feels, I don't know that we will ever be able to talk again once this experience has come to a close.
It's just a sad, sad thing.
As for the other shit going on in my life?
My hamsters, Jim and Kimberly, are becoming so scarily attached to me. When I get home at night and turn on my bedroom light, they immediately come running from their beds and try to climb out of the cage. I take the top off and they (Jim especially) crawls right into my hand and runs up to my neck to snuggle in. They are totally in love with me now and it makes me want to have them as my babies forever. They are so fucking adorable I can't stand it.
Things with Paul and I are going smoothly although I'm still not convinced we are going to be able to work through our many issues. Some things just never change. Some days I love him and some days I hate him. It's not healthy, but it's the way things are. And the way things are going to stay for awhile longer. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I don't know if I will ever be ready.
My mom came to the show again last night. She is so adorable and supportive. I miss her so much. She is my favorite person in the world and I am so blessed to have someone like her as my mother. She is coming AGAIN on Saturday with my dad and some other people we know from way back. Gosh, my parents. A kid couldn't be any luckier than me.
Okay! The next time I write in here, I will be done with Stupid Kids.
I can't believe it's almost over. How depressing.
Now what am I going to do with myself?
